How this began

In 2008 I received a letter addressed in a name I had not seen for many years and never thought I would see again.  It was a surname that I had no emotional ties to any more, except hatred, and it made me sick to see it.  

It was a letter from the Familial Cancer Unit of South Australia.   It informed me that a member of my family had been found to have an inherited tendency to develop cancer.  Given this was on the paternal side of the family, and a side I had chosen to wipe out of my life,  I tried to ignore the letter.  I sat on it for nearly 12 months.

It wasn't until my sister told me that she had gone and done the genetic testing and she was positive and then my brother had his test come back positive that I decided to have my test done.  A simple blood test.

On August 19th, 2009, I found I also carried the BRCA1 gene.  This meant that all three of us  in the one family carried a high risk of developing cancer.

My heart sunk even though I tried to make light of the situation.  I have three beautiful children, 2 girls and a boy, what does this mean for them? 

After spending time talking with the counsellor and reading what I could I decided that, given my age, and the fact that I did have three healthy children, I would opt for the hysterectomy first.  Ovarian cancer is so aggressive and hard to detect and there is no known cure yet so it seemed the easiest decision to make.

On May 24th, 2010, at the age of 44, I had a Prophylactic oophorectomy.   I opted to remove my ovaries, tubes, uterus and cervix.

That was nearly two years ago now and, while I'm happy I don't have to worry about those cancers, I still hate the fact that this choice was forced on me by a stupid tiny mutation inside me.

While I know that I may not have had any more children the choice was still there, I was even offering to carry for friends that could not carry babies, I loved being pregnant so much.  Often my husband and I would toy with the idea of another baby,  but that choice had now been taken away.

It did not make me popular with the staff at the hospital but I asked if I could bring my womb home with me.  To many that might not make sense and may make you cringe, but that tiny vessel carried and nurtured my beautiful children and helped bring them into this world.  It was a vital part of who I am as a woman and mother and I wanted it with me so that I could return it to Mother Earth when my husband and I finally find our own home.  Our children laugh at me all the time about my 'dim sim' (that is what it looks like).  It's sitting in a jar of alcohol hidden away safe and sound until the right time arrives and then I will do my own blessing and give thanks to the universe for giving me the joy of knowing motherhood and carrying three beautiful bairns to full term, and then I will return it to the great Mother.

Many don't understand me, sometimes I don't even understand me, but this is who I am and this is my journey.