Ouchy

Well, I've started trying to get back to as normal as possible but it would appear things aren't going to be that easy!  Of course,  why would they!

I started trying to do a bit of gardening yesterday.  The weeds are starting to take over where I want to grow vegies.  So, out I go, wellies on :) and hoe in hand.  First slice into the grosse, sticky, red clay soil and it was like somebody hit my right 'breast' with a hot knife!  It was a wierd feeling, it hurt but it was really strange at the same time.  It wasn't a sharp pain, but boy it hurt.   It only lasted about 10 seconds so I figured that would be it....hahaha.... yeah right.  I tried to keep going but it hurt too much so I had to try to think of another way to do it.

I got out the little hand fork and spade thinking I could just squat or kneel down and do it........nope!..... The stupid pain kept hitting me, first one side then the other and it was really yukky, I guess because it's not a pain I'm used to, so it made me feel a bit queasy as well as worried I was doing something wrong.

After a while I finally gave in and came to the conclusion it's still a bit early for digging in the garden SO.....I can't dig the bastards out, I'll poison them instead!  Off I went for a bottle of roundup and started spraying all the weeds I could find, hoping at the same time not to get any overspray onto our lovely roses or bulbs haha

So, today I'm really sore now across the tops of both 'breasts' and it feels like it's burning, so this is probably the healing on the scar tissue, but I do wish the pains would stop, they're not very nice and just make me grumpy and sulky because I can't do anything and I'm totally through with sitting on my backside everyday!  It's a wonder it fits in the chairs any more!

Oh well, back to knitting again until it settles back down.  Going on past weeks it should be feeling much better by Wednesday (two more days) but this week I don't have to go in on Thursday for another pump up to disturb it all again!  Got to be happy with that :)

On the up side I'm finally getting some shape :)

8 weeks Post Op

It really doesn't look very nice, but, hell, this is more for my own memories anyway haha.

The scars are so fine!  I'm very lopsided at the moment because they needed to keep extra skin for the reconstruction process, but once everything is done they will have a normal shape to them :)   I hope....lol

Last Pump

Today was my final expansion, just over 700cc in total now inside the pockets, aparently this is the largest volume possible lol

I tried to vacuum today!  Not a good idea!  Not on carpet anyway.  I have been able to use the little stick vacuum on the parcquetry flooring, but today I tried carpet with my Dyson,  it's a strange thing to feel things moving around beneath your skin, I will say that.

I am uncomfortable tonight and have been most of the night so I'm looking forward to taking some pain killers and just going to sleep.

It's getting quite cool at night now so I just had a lovely hot shower and did my exercises and I can almost get my arms right up now.  The muscles under my arms, that go down through my armpits, are still pulling quite a lot so it still feels really strange and difficult, but it's much more than when we first started on this journey.

I still have my moments of doubts about how I look, as any woman would, but my dear husband always reassures me and tells me I am perfect to him, he's so good to me.  He has done everything he can do to make life easy for me and takes all the time he can off work to help around the house with the kids and taking me back and forth for all the medical visits, I'd be so lost without him.  The novelty has certainly worn off for the kids haha but I think that's to be expected at their ages.   They have been wonderful though and have made me so proud in the ways they have found to help out.

In this last week we have celebrated our beautiful boy turning 13!,

Mothers' Day and the 18th Anniversary of our marriage.  These are all things we take for granted until we are forced to face our own mortality.  I know I didn't have cancer this time, but to be threatened with the certainty of it really makes you think about how you want to spend your life.

All the tape residue has pretty much come off now and I can now see the lovely thin pinky/red scar line, it really is so thin that I'm hoping with proper care and lots of vitamin E cream it will fade really well over time.  I will upload another photo when I get a chance.  I still have a lot of trimming and shaping to have done in the final operation.

I now have to go and see my original breast specialist for a follow up review, hoping to do that next week, and in July I go in for my review with the plastic surgeon and we start to discuss the final operation and replacement of the expanders with proper breast implants :)

For now though, it's just a matter of letting the expanders sit and rest and allow the scar tissue to heal more before we can do anything else.

So, now I just wait and get stronger and happier.  John bought a wonderful electric walker so I think I may even have to start getting onto that and start burning some of this excess weight off so that after my final operation it will be like an entirely new me :)

They say, a change is a good as a holiday :)

6 Weeks Post Op

WOW  I have neglected my Blog :(

So, it's now 6 weeks since the big 'M' and I've been through some truly up and down days.
I know when all this is finished and I am completely healed I will think it has all been worth it, but presently I still have more days where I wish I hadn't done it, than had.

The really strong pain finished within probably the first month, and it has been more like really annoying discomfort 90% of the time.  Sleeping is still only with the aide of sleeping tablets, it's just almost impossible to get comfortable.  I have been a side sleeper since having children and now I have to sleep on my back in a reclined position because it is just too uncomfortable to sleep flat on my back.  As it is, I still wake up feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest.

Aparently I am one of these people whose body likes to create adhesions when it gets cut.  I have them from the hysterectomy and I have them now.  So when I sit for a while, or lay, everything sticks to the muscle expanders and then has to let go again when I move.  So I often feel like little teeth are grabbing onto my ribs, like hooks, and I try to unhook them lol  Strange, but just the way they go. 

But, here we are at 6 weeks and everything is going beautifully according to the plastic surgeon, and he's the one that knows so I'm putting my trust in him.  The tape came off today, on the cuts, and the scars are so thin!!  Now that I am very happy with  :)  Although they are very long cuts they will fade with time

the bags of fatty skin to the sides will all be cut away with the final operation.  Some will be used to create nipples and the rest will just go.

This picture is after my third expansion.  It's not a very good angle, from the top they look much better lol but at least there is a little bit of cleavage happening now.

So, in a nutshell, it's been a hell of an emotional trip thus far but all is healing as it is supposed to be and I now have the same risk of breast cancer as a normal person with normal genes :)  something like less than 4%............gotta be happy with that :)