Go or No Go

So, spanner in the works, damn it.

It turns out the surgeon that my GP gave me a referral to charges $2,000 above the schedule fee, that is how much we would be out of pocket!  If you're reading this in another country you're probably thinking 'big deal' because your health system isn't as good as Australia.  But, here in the grand ole land of Oz we pay big bucks to private health insurers and high taxes so that we DO have a good health system.

So now it's a case of how to afford it.  I set up a 'Go Fund Me' post but didn't launch it.  Then I thought of selling my show winning one of a kind baby dolls, but I can't bare to part with them.  I can't get a job no matter what or where I try,  not that I'm giving up on that front.  And my candle business is still in its early stages where it is still costing me money to build up my stock and customer base.  grrrrr, and everything looked so bright for a while there.

Then the hubster tells me that he has chosen not to have lasic surgery on his eyes because of the cost, yep, that pretty much seals the deal of letting go of my surgery, he knows there is no way I would put myself above any member of my family.    Admittedly, the eye surgery is because he doesn't want to wear glasses any more and I want surgery so that I don't get diabetes, heart attack or cancer because of this stupid gene.  So, yes, the reasons are quite different lol,  but the end result is still the same.  Once the guilt trip is laid there is no way to unlay it as anyone knows.

So, where to go now, well, I will keep looking for somebody who will perform the surgery within the schedule fee and hope they are a great surgeon.  I do have one Ace up my sleeve in a teaching hospital who are world leaders in medicine etc so I will be ringing them next to see what their fees are like.

So, the light hasn't been switched off, just dimmed a little.

So much out there

I have found so many books and write ups regarding weight loss surgery.  One of those books is "Ultimate Gastric Sleeve Success" written by Dr. Duc C. Vuong and published in 2013 or 14.  I would swear it was written for me!

So much of what is written about what has lead to this decision and how life has been etc, etc,  that is is almost a picture from my life!  This, of course, makes it even easier to read and enjoy because I can relate to so much.

I purchased e-books so that when the time comes and I do go into hospital I can have them all with me :)

I'm starting to get excited at the prospect of not only losing weight but not being uncomfortable any more!  And having energy again :)  that is something I really do miss.  It shows in all aspects of my life but especially in my home!  You could eat off my floors once, but not any more.  I just don't have the energy to put in the effort needed to clean like I used to.

I can't wait to see what my implants look like and my scars once the excess weight goes too.  I'll be able to put my clothes on and take them off without it hurting and, hopefully, the pain of just touching my right scars will go quickly as well, that is going to be a monstrous benefit to me.

I still haven't even seen the specialist yet, not until October 10th, but just going on what my GP says I am definitely a candidate for successful surgery so I just want to stay positive and think about the path ahead :)

A new chapter

Well, haven't I been slack! I can't believe I have ignored my blog for so long, still, it really is more just a record of how I have gone more for myself and my family I guess, not interesting to the rest of the world lol

So, now I am venturing on to another life journey.  This one should be very interesting indeed.

As most would know, with a concoction of drugs in my system over the years, along with depression and anxiety, lack of hormones etc, etc, blah blah,  I have gained an incredible amount of weight! So much so that I am now in a situation where I am uncomfortable doing the most minor things and I don't sleep well so I'm tired all day and blah blah, on it goes in it's self consuming vicious little circle.

Well, after much research, soul searching and discussions with my GP I have opted for gastric surgery.  WOW!  I can hear the gasps and "don't do it's" from here!

This is my journey, my world and my future I am thinking about.  Nobody else will be going through it and nobody else knows how I feel or what I am going through day to day.  And, in the end, it is my decision.

My weight gain has made it difficult for my surgery to heal well and so I am still in constant pain and discomfort, so much so I often just feel like crawling into a hole and pulling a lid over.  There are many people out there who are in constant pain through Fibro etc and they really can't do much about their pain, and I truly feel for them.  But I have options and choices and ways out of this pain and I intend to do it.  I intend to make myself feel better and be pain free.

I have opted to go with the Gastric Sleeve idea.  It is done laproscopically and is only a couple of nights in hospital.  The difference between this operation and others is that this is permanent and doesn't need to be fiddled with afterward :)

Many gastric surgeries in the past have had countless horror stories and experiences follow them so it has taken me a very long time to come to this decision but it is now made and on the 10th of October I will see the Gastric specialist for my very first visit.  I'm definitely not looking forward to a fluid diet for a week before surgery because, being such a large eater, I just know I'm going to be the bitch from hell......................oh weight, situation normal................ ;)  .............. and, yes, I did deliberately use that 'weight' rather than 'wait'.

So, soon I will start taking measurements and weights and disgusting pictures and will start keeping track of this new part of my journey.

I always said I want to be in the best shape possible by my 50th in October 2015.  So, now I am making positive steps to have this dream met :)

I know this is a drastic measure to many and many who read this will not agree with me, but, do you know what, this is my body and I am doing this for me :)  it is a simple (albeit cheating) means to an end.  The hidden benefit is that after surgery, if my depression doesn't die down quickly enough, I won't be able to binge :)  and that is a huge win for me in my eyes.

So, you can either support me or not, I don't mind really because I'm not doing this for you :)

Love and Light